A Laugh (Revisited)

Every time I think of what happened, I crack up laughing. We we to the doctor’s office, so my mother could complete her check up. And the psychiatrist (Husband and Wife team) was there too seeing patients as well. I figured on a long wait because several patients were ahead of us. But before I could relax with my iPod, a hot flash came on and all of a sudden, sweat just started pouring off me. So I asked the receptionist if the heat was on because it was so hot. She said, “No, the heats not on, but if you’re hot, you can turn the fan on. I turn around and look at the fan and its a stand up fan standing on a pedestal. A patient waiting on a seat, near the fan, attempted to turn the fan on. But the fan would not power on. She looked at my mother, seated beside her and my mother said, in a calm voice, “It might work better if it was plugged in.” I looked down at the floor, near the outlet and the power end on the cord, was laying near the wall. She plugged it in and the fan came on, giving me relief.

I looked at the lady and she had a look of chagrin on her face. I said, “Make sure you tell the doctor all of that so she can give you the right meds.”  At that moment, I burst out laughing and couldn’t stop. I don’t know, it was one of those silly moments where I could not stop laughing. Every time I looked at her, I couldn’t control it. I kept picturing her, fiddling with power button. And the fan was unplugged. The receptionist asked me if I was OK. And I said no and screamed with laughter into my crumbled clothes to muffle the sound.  She got mad at me and unplugged the fan, thinking that would stop me. I fell out on the floor and was banging on the carpet.

Then, I started thinking, “Hold up, if she is here to see the psychiatrist. you better get a hold of yourself.” So I picked myself back up, on to the chair and tried to gain some kind of composure. And it was working until I saw her in my peripheral view. I got up and almost ran out of the office, laughing all over again crying and both sides hurting. I know she wanted to beat my ass to the ground. But guess what? She didn’t know if I was there to see the psychiatrist or not.  And the thoughts of me going off on her, was sure to have crossed her mind, too. I stayed in the outer lobby of the building until my mother was done.  Laughing hard like that makes me look like a silly ass immature kid, but I love getting my laugh on. It can be debilitating for me. When I’m driving, I have to pull over and maybe let someone else drive.  And, I can’t control it. When it comes, my daughter knows how to rub my back and help me to get control of my faculties. It can occur at any time, any where, and any place.  Just pray for me guys. This is one behavior flaw that can be irritating for some. (Whatever)

by Joan Farley Nyobe

Where Were You?

Where Were You?

Where were you when our child was conceived?

Where were you when our child was born? With the umbilical cord wrapped around the neck.

Where were you on our child’s first doctor visit?

Where were you when our child was in the emergency room? All night long.

Where were you when our child lost the first tooth?

Where were you during the doctor visits, the scraped knees,

the tears, the whining and the joy?

Where were you on the birthdays and the  holidays?

Where were you through sicknesses and health issues?

Where were you when our child came home covered in feces

from an accident on the bus?

Where were you when our child was diagnosed “Learning Disabled?

Where were you during the IEP conferences?

Where were you when our child graduated from elementary, high school,

and Computer School?

Where were you when our child began classes at University of Maryland?

Where were you when our child began dating and needed guidance?

Where were you?   I think you were hiding like a child, avoiding responsibilty,

with your head, stuck, where the sun don’t shine.

Me? I was busy, being the mother and the father.

So don’t come at me now that the child is grown,

wondering why the child don’t know you. Just look

in the mirror and ask yourself, “Where were you?”

by Joan Farley Nyobe

Coming Face to Face with My Mortality

On December 21, 2011, my father was discovered at 1pm, in and out of consciousness. He was rushed by ambulance to the hospital, where it was determined that he had a stroke.  The circumstances surrounding his stroke are very sad however, he has made great improvement.  My father was born and grew up in Tifton, Georgia. His mother gave  birth to two boys. She gave my father away to her mother to raise and kept the lighter skinned child. My father’s childhood was short because he had to feed and clothe himself at a young age. He drops out of high school at the age of 17 and as soon as he does, he is drafted in the US Army, where he served a tour of duty. He meets my mom on a blind date and they hit it off. They marry and have three children. One girl, me and two boys, my brothers. My oldest brother died from cardiac arrhythmia, triggered by acute renal failure. He was mentally retarded and what I learned from him is immeasurable. I learned compassion for man kind. I understand the differences in people. I can go on and on, but this blog is about my father.

My father took a liking to the less fortunate as early on as my childhood could remember. My issue is not with the less fortunate persay. My issue is with the bottom feeder mentality that never ceases. Always scheming and taking. Every opportunity is seen as a opportunity to yank somebody’s chain to get what they want. My father was fixated on them.  He would pick up single mothers with kids and take them to the store and help them. Problem with this was that he did not show that same love and compassion at home. With his children, he was aloof. Not really a dad. He kept himself occupied with auto repair, TV repair, electrical, plumbing and auto body repair. And, he worked at the Pentagon in Arlington, Virginia for over 30 years in the janitorial services area. He was also an alcoholic.  The deeper he got in assisting the less fortunate, the less he did for his children. He was emotionally unavailable to us. He would only spend $28.00 dollars at the grocery store and that was supposed to feed a family of 5 ( Two cousins were living with us too). In 1983,  my mother  moved away from him and I went with her.  When he retired and had nothing to do, his friendships with the  less fortunate took a turn for the worse. His friends were now  alcoholics, crack heads, criminals, and prostitutes. All of whom received all of his time and attention. He was available to us only when we needed something fixed.

My father laid in his cold and wet backyard for some 12 hours, suffering from a stroke. The first girl that was with him, her name is Doreen or Dorian. She was with him outside in the backyard at 2am on the night of December 21. She left him in the yard, laying on the wet ground, temperatures went down to the low 30s. And it had rained two straight days prior. His next door neighbor saw him laying on the ground, thought he was drunk and ignored him. It was not until another crack user female, heard him making sounds as she walked by, discovered him in the yard, and called the ambulance. That was at 2pm. So he laid in the yard, in and out of consciousness, for 12 hours until someone with an ounce of compassion, called the ambulance.  Then, my father’s crack user girlfriend came and she became fixated on my father’s wallet. She tried to get it before  he got on the ambulance but was unsuccessful. Her fake step father rode in the ambulance with my father and got his keys that had fallen. She tried to get his wallet again at the hospital but by then, hospital rules kicked in…Only a family member can receive his property.

I made it to the hospital emergency room and saw my father. A female from the street was in the room with him (She genuinely cares for my father. And told me how much he has done for her.) She was feeding him, banana pudding. He could talk but he was rambling and his left hand and left arm shook uncontrollably.  The nurse told me he had suffered a stroke and there was some bleeding from the brain and another cat scan would be done to see if there is improvement. She told me when he was brought in, his body temperature was real low, down to 90 degrees. And she said he could not move his left side. But now, there was movement on the left side.  The nurse showed me the bag where his clothes were and told me he was wet when he came in and he had urinated on himself repeatedly. I retrieved his wallet from the bag and his cell phone. (I said to myself as I looked at his bag of clothes)  The rest is headed to the nearest trash can.

His girlfriend and fake step father made arrangements to bring the keys to my mother. They made it and dropped off the keys and my mother gave the fake stepfather $20 for bring the keys.  Me and my brother went over to check out the house and quickly learned that the keys, did not fit any of the doors, inside or outside of the house and his car keys were not on the ring either. My mother were given a set of dummy keys. A locksmith had to be called and they changed the top and bottom lock on the main door, which was the back door to my father’s section of the house. A quick assessment and video taping showed that my father’s living condition was far worse that any episode of hoarders, I have ever seen. However, we noticed that two flat screened TVs were gone. And we need to go back and make a thorough assessment of what was taken. Making matters worse, we’d have to go through piles on top of piles of junk and clothes before taking an inventory.

As I looked at my father, he was making jokes and talking crap. It was funny but I couldn’t laugh. What caught my attention was him. I looked at him really good and I saw myself. I look just like him and his mother. In that alone, I know what I will look like when I get old.  I almost walked in his foot steps with the people in the streets. I hung out and embraced those bottom feeder people too, while getting high on drugs. They knew I didn’t belong and they robbed me and used me to no end. I woke up from that experience and now, the only way I step into the hood is to serve court papers or take statements in an ongoing investigation. I got my creative side from him and my entrepreneur spirit from him. I don’t have one trade, I have a cluster of trades like he did.  And its the cluster of trades that keep my phone ringing with new and repeat business.

My love of animals came from him. My pigeon toes came from his mom.  My kind heart came from both my mom and dad. My business mind came from my mother. I don’t age hard like my father. I age like my mom. I’m 51 but don’t look it. My mom is from Washington DC and my dad is from Tifton, Georgia. So I have a healthy mix of the city and of the country. I used to enjoy walking barefoot with my poodles, walking right with me. As I looked at my dad, I faced my own mortality. I realize too,that I may lose him through all of this.  I love my dad. I’m not ready to lose him. I am ready to break the ties he have with the street people. If one more street woman come to me, praising my father for all that he has done for them, I think I will throw up. Because he was robbed and taken advantage of much worse than me. One left him on the wet ground to die in his own backyard, covered in urine.

I have power of attorney papers in place for my dad to have my mom take charge of his affairs. And those people in the streets that he seemed to enjoy so much, will be expunged from his life. If I can help it, he will never see those people again. My father is wealthy and did not have to live that way. But now, he will live as he should. Loved and cared for, in his own element.

by Joan Farley Nyobe

He Said I May Be The One For Him (Part Three)

God has His hands all over this one. And my work is cut out for me. I was allowed to see

things for what they really are and as I tell you this, I hope you too can feel this as I

felt it.

Our son, hasn’t spoken to me since before Thanksgiving. Not sure when he stopped

speaking because I was unaware that he was angry with me initially. By the time his

father came up and left, he was officially, not having anything to do with me.

My heart ached because I have such a loving, touchy, feely relationship with

my children. I love them unconditionally. When my son stopped speaking to me,

it felt like a small but crucial body part had been removed. For example, if your

thumb is removed, you quickly find out how limited that hand would be without it.

I missed not being in communication with him. I wished he would share in my joy

and embrace his father. I’m a sucker for a happy ending and felt confident that our

son would eventually come around. My daughter and youngerst son were excited

and wanted to see Kenneth again. They loved him and were happy to be going on this

trip. We arrived in Orlando, Florida at 10:02 AM. After manuevering through an

airport we never been to before, we had to catch a mini train to the other side of

the airport. Huge. We finally met up with Cecelia and she helped us with our things

and we greeted each other, warmly. She gave us a small tour as we rode towards

her house first and then Kenneth’s house. He already text the code to his burglar

alarm and said the front door was unlocked. He also said there were a few dishes

to be washed too. I said OK. Touring around was nice. There’s not much to Orlando,

Florida but it was a pleasant change from the day to day in the Washington DC

Metropolitan Area. For one thing, it was nice and warm. My hot flashes kicked

in, almost immediately. We also stopped at CVS for cosmetics we couldn’t bring

with us on the plane. I had two days to learn as much information as I could.

My investigator cap was on tight. I can get information even when it seems

impossible to get. I was excited in Florida and I looked up, when I could and

said a small prayer asking God to show me what I need to know. And lead me

according to His Will. We made it to Kenneth’s house shortly before he arrived

and I washed up the dishes. He has done well for himself. A nice home car and

good job. I was proud of him. He came home and we greeted him, enthusiastically.

Then we went out for ingredients for the fish fry that he had in mind for us. It was

nice seeing him again and seeing Florida with new eyes. I had two days to learn

as much information as possible about Kenneth. I knew very little and had only

met the brother and sister in law. I met his mom years ago, via telephone and

letters, but Kenneth said she held me in low esteem because of the way I raised

my son and didn’t bring him to Florida when he was young so they could know

him better and vice versa. So I definitely wanted to meet her. If nothing else,

to set the record straight. I had high hopes of our families getting together.

We had fried tilapia fish and grits. Never had it in that combination before

but it was good. Kenneth’s brother and his wife came over, with the grand kids.

That was really nice. We joked, laughed and had good conversation. We were

scheduled to go to Disney World in the morning. I remember something about

waking up early and me saying “You got me messed up, blah blah, I’m not getting up

that early.” I was drinking beer and it tasted good. I think I stopped after three

because my inhibitions were lowered and I started lusting after Kenneth.

Little did I know, my kids were still up, in the living room with Kenneth.

OK. Those thoughts went out the window and I went to bed. The ceiling fan

was on and I fell into a nice sleep. The next day, I didn’t wake up until

around 10 or 11am. My daughter woke up later than that. My youngest

son was up early with Kenneth. Kenneth ultimately told me that we woke up

too late to go to Disney World. He took us for a ride instead. We went on a

short tour of the courthouse and other area and took pictures. Then,

we went to the store to get pasta for dinner. We were having shrimp pasta.

I consumed coffee and donuts as we rode around. I asked, “Where’s your mother?

Is she coming over?” He quickly said, “She’s out of town.” The truth was that she

was in town but he has not spoken to her in over a year. I asked myself is this

what I have to look forward to with my son, who is currently not speaking to me.

It made me sad to think of my child not speaking to me. As I was finishing taking pictures

on the Orange County Court house steps, my phone rings and its my mother. She was the

only one that’s been communicating with my son and she said he was ready to talk to me.

She put him on the phone and he said “Hi Mom…” Before he could get another word out,

I said, “Josh, your father has not spoken to his mother in over a year. I’m not having

that shit. I love you, you are my son and I refuse to allow you to go on and have you not

speaking to your mother.” He said, “I love you too, Mom and I won’t stop speaking

to you anymore.” I said good and he gave the phone back to grandma but not

before asking me to bring an Orlando Florida hoodie back. I said OK. I felt this

huge surge of relief because in that moment, I realized that I had my son back,

which meant that I have my hands on all three of my children. Anything else

did not matter because I am a parent first. As I got back in the car, I told his father

Josh was on the phone and wanted to say hi. He pushed the phone away from him.

I was told by my son’s father that I laugh excessively and that I was immature.

I spent the first 49 years of my life crying and in mental turmoil.

God cleansed my heart and now I am joyful while in appreciation of

all God has done for me. If my exuberance bothers people, so what.

That’s their issue and not mine. I’m finally living life as it should be lived.

Filled with joy and laughter. I refuse to have a sour face and be mad at the

world anymore. Any persons that are contrary to my

peaceful outlook on life should kick rocks and keep it moving.

Dinner was fantastic. I must admit, my son’s father is an excellent cook.

I also learned that he has an outlook on life that’s trapped, “Inside the Box.”

Everything has to be his way or hit the highway. It’s cool to have an outlook

like that but you’ll invariably wind up living a lonesome lifestyle.

Me and my kids did not sleep that last night in Florida. Me and my son took

turns on the computer. At 5:30am, we headed out for the airport so we can

check in and go through the searches. We laughed and joked while riding.

The trip was nice but I was anxious to get back home. We took more pictures at the

Orlando Florida airport and Reagan National airport in Washington DC. When the

shuttle arrived, he took us home. My oldest son came in that night and waited for me

to come out of my room. I saw him and out stretched my arms for a hug. And he came

to me like he did as a child and hugged me sincerely. I gave him the hoodie and he tried it

on and thanked me. My heart felt warmed over. I love my children so much. They truly

bring me more joy than any man have, up to this point. All was right with the world.

My son explained to me that he do not trust his father yet and he really does not know him.

They talked on the phone through the years but he had not seen him. All he knows is that

his father got his mom pregnant and then took off. Then, he pops up 24 years later and my

son didn’t know what to do with his feelings, so he sat stoned face. His father says I got

pregnant on purpose because I said I was on birth control and then told him later

I never was on birth control. Truth was, I did try birth control. Loestrin 110. My body

had a reaction to it and it made blood clots form on my legs. And even though I

stopped taking the pills, it took over 10 years for the blood clots to stop. I told

him that I had a nervous breakdown before I met him and 2 breakdowns after.

I apologized for having him come in contact with my midset at that time. He really

should have moved on from that point and embraced his son. His son did not ask to

come here but oh well, that’s his issue and not mine.

While riding out and getting jobs done, I get a text from his father asking

me what I was thinking when I started blogging about him. I told him I blog to

keep mental stuff off of me. He said he told me that his personal business is his.

I said this is my business too. I also told him that I blog to set a standard as a writer.

I love to write and been writing since I was 10 years old. He then laid down the law.

“Don’t call me or text me, even if it concerns our son, until you grow up.” I said,

“Whatever.” But, I later saw the look of disappointment on my daughter and youngest

son’s face when I told them that Kenneth said, “Don’t call him or text him anymore.”

Their hearts were ripped out of their chest. I realize now, more than ever, that I can’t

expose my heart or the hearts of my children to Kenneth. Kenneth reminds me of the

shark in the shark tank. You can love that shark with all your might but the shark is

not capable of loving you back. I will always love Kenneth. I love him

more like a family member now. I respect him and his wishes. I will

never curse him. But, because of his propensity to hurt people, I have to protect

my heart and the hearts of my children. They can not and will not be exposed to that.

It’s too painful when Kenneth turns his love on and off, like a light switch. And, he’s

no longer the priority he was in my life. My Priority is with my children.

It’s too much for me to deal with Kenneth’s mental issue. I can not jump through

anymore hoops, crawl up anyone’s behind, or do anything that takes my inner

peace and serenity away from me. The greatest thing that happened was that I got

my son back. And for that, I am always grateful to God.

by Joan Farley Nyobe

He wanted His Cake and Eat it too

To give you some history on this, I have to go back to August, 2008. We met on a

dating site called, Tagged. He said he had a friend but wanted to meet me.

I was available and wanted to meet him. We agreed to meet at a motel

(yes, we both were presumptuous).  However, it took  three months for

us to get together.He picked me up, one morning and we went to a motel.

I hadn’t slept in days because I was excited about our meeting. So,right

before the intimacy began, he sat on the edge of the foot of the bed.

His head was bowed down. I said, “What’s wrong?” He said,

“I have something to tell you…I’m married.” I said, “OK, guess what,

I’m married too, but not in the same sense you are. I married an African

and helped him get his green card. You are married for real. My marriage

was never consummated. Yours was.” He told me that he was unhappily

married and so lonely. (Yeah Right) I told him I was here now and everything

would be all right. His name was Gary and we made love. I fell asleep afterwards

and woke up and found him laying on his back next to me. I looked at his

penis and saw that there was a black ring at the base of it. I said, “Why are

you wearing the ring on your penis?” He said, “I have an erection problem.”

I said OK and fell back asleep. When I woke up again, we made love again

and he took me home. I felt relieved and relaxed when I got home.

And, we made plans to see each other again. We used

Tagged and Yahoo Messenger to communicate, primarily.

Texting and phones were used on days we saw each other.

I began to feel like he was cheating on me five months into

the affair.  There was this girl, also on Tagged that was asking Gary if

she could do a threesome with me, her and him. He was all for it but when

he asked me, I quickly said no. He asked me a total of three times and

I even talked to the girl  via email, who assured me that she didn’t want

Gary like that because she loves the ladies. OK. we got a lesbian who

likes me but wants to sleep with me and my man? Something wasn’t right.

He wasn’t contacting me like he was. Days and sometimes weeks would

go by without contact. In one of my conversations with her, she said

she hated that they lived in the same neighborhood. One night,I dreamed

that he went into this building and while inside, the building blew up.

I woke up crying and told him about it via text. He laughed it off.

Next thing I knew, the relationship blew up in my face and he was

involved with this woman who said she was a lesbian. Not only that,

he left his wife and me and moved in with her. Recently, I got a friends

invite from him. I don’t know why I accepted but I did. And it wasn’t

long before he was trying to get back with me. He asked if he could

have one last time with me. I told him no and said God didn’t bring

me this far to fall backwards. That went well and I didn’t hear from

him again. Then last month, he asks if he can do a photo shoot of

me because I am photogenic. I told him I would not feel comfortable

doing that because Michelle was my friend now. (Yeah right) Then,

he chose this woman over me and his wife, moved in with her and

professes his love to her. Why was he back at me? Any way,  Michelle

pops up and writes me.  And at first, it looks like we are going to teach

this cowboy a lesson, however, the tide can always change.

Here is the conversation as it unfolds:

MichelleB:

Hey gurl, just shouting out some love. I want to thank you for

being a wonderful online friend. Maybe some day we can get

together for some drinks or 2. You always seem to put a

smile on my face from your words of wisdom. My life is

wonderful now. Well I’m getting ready to go out…ta.ta..smooches

Joan~IGA~WWJD~:
What’s up girl! Where you been? I missed you! Got lots to share with you.

MichelleB:
I miss you too, working 2 jobs to pay off this car note and getting rid of this stress.
Whats going on with you babycakes

Joan~IGA~WWJD~:
Work, work and work…Girl…your man Gary been tryin to holla back at a sista… been
straight brushing him off. He got me messed up. Been landing pretty good cases and jus
working girl. Drinks sounds good one day soon.

MichelleB:
Wtf, are you sure as in he just may be friendly, which I don’t mind. What did he say to you
and did he see you recently.

Joan~IGA~WWJD~:
Hey girl…he wrote me again today:

Have you thought about the photo session at the Bragg Motel. Jo it will be justtaking
photos, I don’t see a need to let Michelle know. Besides I want to see you on more time.

MichelleB:
OK, that explain Bragg it is a hotel. Where is it located, I’m going to set his ass up for
failure and have his bags packed.

Joan~IGA~WWJD~:
Don’t be. Just keep your cool and catch him in the act.

MichelleB:
I’m so mad right now
Joan~IGA~WWJD~:
15 days ago
Bragg phone number is 301-627-1880. He just sent me this message:

She is a wonderful person just like you. I have a high sex drive, in which Mickey cannot
handle. When I’m using the honey, I can’t stop thinking about you. So you really fucked my
head up in many ways. I’m still satisfying her but I’m so built up inside. Going to the Gym,
working out and meeting women in the steamroom.

MichelleB:
He talks in his sleep and he said something with your name in it.

I woke his ass up and said no the fuck you didn’t. Mind you,

I love you and all but this nigger is about to get thrown

off the curb with his bullshit. I thought about a sex therapist.

You recall I was out there at one point.

Joan~IGA~WWJD~:
Why? Michelle is beautiful. Why would you want to mess around on her? She is nice.

WBLS1075FM:Gary
Have you thought about the photo session at the Bragg Motel. Jo it will be justtaking
photos, I don’t see a need to let Michelle know. Besides I want to see you on more time.

WBLS1075FM:Gary
She is a wonderful person just like you. I have a high sex drive, in which Mickey cannot
handle. When I’m using the honey, I can’t stop thinking about you. So you really fucked my
head up in many ways. I’m still satisfying her but I’m so built up inside. Going to the Gym,
working out and meeting women in the steamroom.

Joan~IGA~WWJD~:
Maybe one innocent meeting for pictures only. Only if you can behave. Lol

WBLS1075FM:Gary
You have made me a very happy man to be able to do this project. And I will be on my best
behavior, scouts honor amongst friends Lol

Joan~IGA~WWJD
You silly. My number is — — —-

WBLS107FM:Gary
Shelly is working late so I figured that would work in my favor. Do you have any outfits you
like to brng that would be perfect. Animal print also

Joan~IGA~WWJD~:
Hey girl. Please call me! Your man think we hooking up tomorrow. I’ll shut him down but I
need to get with you ASAP. He emailing me like he got game and its really getting on my
nerves.

Joan~IGA~WWJD~:
I shut him down for today. I was not feeling that move without you involved. I am sick and
tired of watching the Good women get messed over. You are too beautiful, inside and outside
to have someone around you that you can’t trust. Love you sis. I’m here for YOU!..not him.

MichelleB:
I know he has a client who request a calender for her hubby in Afghanistan. I’ve seen most
of his portfolio but not any nudity. I’m not having that, but he’ll be at the end of his
journey soon. I gave him enough time to clean up.

Joan~IGA~WWJD~:
This is what he sent me: Shelly is working late so I figured that would work in my favor. Do
you have any outfits you like to brng that would be perfect. Animal print also

MichelleB:
I know he has a client who request a calender for her hubby in Afghanistan. I’ve seen most
of his portfolio but not any nudity. I’m not having that, but he’ll be at the end of his
journey soon. I gave him enough time to clean up.

Joan~IGA~WWJD~:
Hey girl. Please call me! Your man think we hooking up tomorrow. I’ll shut him down but I
need to get with you ASAP. He emailing me like he got game and its really getting on my
nerves.

MichelleB:
I told him I was working late and I have everything set. I’m getting my number

changed and a new plan. When I get the new number I’ll call you.

Your still meeting at the Bragg Motel right, Just ake sure he park in front

of the door ok. Can’t wait to finally see you.

Joan~IGA~WWJD~:
Hey girl. Please call me. Your man think we hooking up tomorrow. I’ll shut him

down but I need to get with you ASAP. He emailing me like he got game and its

really getting on my nerves.

In the end, she worked it out with him and said she is staying with him because

a good man is hard to find. OK Whatever, I just showed you your man’s propensity

to cheat and you shrugged it off. If she read the emails closely, she would see that

he was meeting women in the steam room too. Some women don’t want to know the

truth. This is why I live a drama free lifestyle. And, I don’t want any parts of the

worldly way of doing things.

by Joan Farley Nyobe

About Me

I have a renewed heart as I have paid my dues in this life.  I have been molested as a child, virginity taken in date rape, sexually assaulted as an adult, sexually harassed and have not had a successful relationship to date.  Through the abuse of drugs (Pharmacological and Street drugs) , self loathing and self destruction,  three nervous breakdowns and three suicide attempts, I was crazy with pain and turmoil. It was not until I got down on my knees and begged God, crying for Him to take control of my life,  and clear up the madness that had consumed me, that He came and changed my life for the better.  Age 49 was a turning point for me. It’s where I took all the negative energy and turned it into positive energy.  My heart is finally unburdened and I feel free. Free to write and hopefully help others who’s soul is in turmoil.  God is good and I give all the glory to Him who created me.

I can’t fully explain the changes that God made  in me but I’m different now. I feel everything, spiritually. My heart is filled with enough love to love the whole world.  All the pain and resentments from my past are gone. I have forgiven all the perpetrators of my past. And, I pray that everyone could feel this uplifting of their soul, as I have been so blessed.  God gave me a clean heart. And a pure heart to help those who want to be helped.  Being angry and resentful is no longer apart of my equation.

Because of the changes in my persona, I no longer tolerate drama on any level.  I laugh and make a joyful noise. Many misinterpret my glee for silliness and immaturity but I assure you, I am not silly or immature. My heart is just done with the bullshit. I don’t waste time being angry. I don’t waste time mulling over things I can’t change. I feel my first 49 years were squandered (However, I feel those squandered years were necessary to get here, where I am now) and I want to take the rest of my years and enjoy life, qualitatively. I want people around me that share this same philosophy. Life is for the living.

My parents are 71 and 78 respectively and I choose to give them their flowers now, while they are alive.  My children are all grown up but are not self actualized and I want to be present to experience their joys and woes. I am very protective of them and do not want them exposed to unnecessary rifts from outside influences.  You want to see a crazy person in me, mess with my family and you’ll see a maniac unfold. Other than that, I am easy going. I work hard and I play hard. I don’t bother anyone and I don’t want anyone to bother me. My mother promised me that my children would never go through what I went through and she kept that promise. My children have not been sexually molested or had their socialization tainted. For that, I am always grateful to my mother.

A potential life mate for me is one who share in my renewed spirit. He has to be intelligent and insightful. He has to be loving and warm.   He has to have God in his heart and life has to mean something to him.  If this man does not exist, I am prepared to live a life of singleness that’s free of fornication. I embrace celibacy, wholeheartedly. If I see any traces of mental issues or mental obstacles whatsoever, I’m running. Because I have no room for that anymore. I’m not jumping through any hoops or listening to any carnival music in dealing with anyone. If you have issues or drama, keep it moving. And please miss me with all of that.  I trust God to bring me that future mate, if it’s for me and according to God’s will. I am going to enjoy my life and the time that I have left.  God gave me a gift of writing and with that, I write to keep my soul cleansed.  I don’t know what direction my writing will go in but I will allow God to direct that path as well.

I continue to pray that God’s Will take shape in my life as I grow in my faith. God’s love is real and if you want great changes in your life, sincere prayer and a humbled heart are required.  God is there and He is waiting for you to come to Him.

by Joan Farley Nyobe

He Said I May Be The One For Him (Part Two)

Anticipation grew as the countdown began. Within days, this man I have loved, since my

son was three months old, in my womb, would be here. We talked everyday or texted

each other, in the days leading up to his arrival. It was like no time had passed

between us. I forgave him a long time ago. We are both older now and more mature.

We have both been through the hard knocks in life. Even on our separate journeys,

our lives took on a similar nature. He never married or had anymore children.

I had one more child and had no successful relationship with any other man.

He was haughty and self serving in his youth. He seems more sensitive and

caring. He has empathy in his heart now. It’s comfortable talking with him.

I just feel safe with him. I feel like I belong with him. And, We fit like a hand

and glove. He feeds my mental and my physical. And now, he can also feed

my spiritual needs too. He’s my “Big Poppa.”  When I picked him up at the airport,

we couldn’t embrace. Traffic at Ronald Reagan National airport is crazy.

Worse than your neighborhood zoo. As we drove to the hotel,

I kept feeling like I was riding with my son. It’s crazy how much alike

they look.  And that look, stopped us from being really romantic with each other.

We had sex a little and but it was not fulfilling. We left the motel early and went

home where my family was waiting. Our time with Kenneth was wonderful

and filled with laughter and fun. Even though our son shunned us and

treated us like we were the enemy camp, majority of the time.

Kenneth had bible study with me, my daughter, and my mother, twice.

And a third bible study was with my daughter and me. He made studying

the word fun. He pulled the most exciting of stories from the scripture and

elaborated on the spiritual aspects of it. It was wonderful. He cooked

breakfast and dinner for us. He also helped with chores in the yard.

He embraced my whole family and said “We’re family.” He  playfully

adopted my daughter and son as his own and had their love in return.

He gave my mom a lot of time because she is 71. He even embraced my brother,

who was going through depression. He cried, real tears, and said he hadn’t

seen a man broken in spirit like that in a long time. We didn’t get much

me and him time, (He didn’t feel right having stolen moments in my

mom’s house. He said he and I will have a better time when I come to

Florida).  When we went to the motel, before coming to the house,

his mind was on his son. He wanted to see him. When my son came home,

he stood in the foyer, shocked. They embraced each other and then he sat

on the sofa and kept this stone face the whole time until his father told him

to go to bed. I laughed at him but my heart and his father’s heart, were broken

into pieces. At one point, his father was going to leave early, but the airline would

have charged $170 more for him to leave early. So he stayed and embraced us with

love, respect, consideration, and warmth. He’s a great guy. I had great taste, when I

chose him, all those years ago. Kenneth left on November 27th at 6pm.

And, I finally let him know how I feel, though it was through unconventional means.

He ignored all the letters I wrote him in the past and he says

he don’t remember about the letters. He said he never knew how I felt.

He said, “I didn’t know you had feelings for me.” He said he never knew how

I felt about him. Yeah right! How could he not have known?

Was he that far up his own behind  that he couldn’t see the clearing in the

forest? He regrets never raising his child. He always wanted another, so he

could raise it. Seems like God didn’t allow it because he turned his back on his son,

even though he sent child support. Karma seemed to have paid us both a visit

because our son gave us both the cold shoulder. In fact, our son completely

treated all of us, Grandma included, with disdain.  Kenneth thought we were enjoying

a great relationship with his son, all these years. We showed him that his son has

been a piece of work, his whole life. I’m not angry at my son because that’s my son’s issue

and his alone. I was there for him when he needed me. I did my part as a single mom.

When my son needs me, I’ll be there for him.  As long as I get respect from him…cool!

I won’t tolerate his behavior. And, I told my son that Karma will pay him a visit soon.

I didn’t want to share my feelings with his father,completely, because he’s wishy washy,

still.  He told me about the women in his life and they were blowing up his phone while

he was here. He said,”They want to be Mrs. Michael s and I don’t have those feelings for them.”

I don’t  care.  All I know is that I don’t want that. I don’t need that drama at my stage in life.

I am passed that point. I want to appreciate the second leg of my lifespan with a partner

I can grow old with. Someone who is on a spiritual walk, like I am. God unburdened my heart

when He freed me from addiction to drugs and men. I am on an good path now.

Kenneth can and will tramples hearts like an ice crusher.

But, it was wonderful having him here. He is running from his true calling as a minister

and its eating him alive. He drinks excessively which I think will change once he accepts his

calling. I found that we are so much alike its scary. We like the same foods, the

same music, the same everything, and we converse and connect, so easily…

we’re soulmates but he has to discover that on his own because he is the man. I

love him so much, I am willing to wait because love is patient.

He and I both filled the house with laughter and love throughout the

Thanksgiving holiday. It was awesome, having him here.

I sent him a text and told him I love him and that I will

always love him. I told him I trust him and I respect him.

He said he feels the same way. And I left it there because I’m scared

that he will trample my heart the way he did years ago. I know he has

changed for the better. He’s not the same haughty man so full of himself.

He’s warm and sensitive now. I won’t romanticize everything because

there are things about him that I don’t care for like his thoughts being

trapped “inside” the box. but I am waiting and hoping he grow out of it when

he stops running from his true calling. Our plane tickets have been purchased

for me, my daughter and my youngest son. Joshua will just miss out on the

wonderful opportunity to bond with his father. Stay tuned for part three of this saga.

by Joan Farley Nyobe

It’s More Than Love

It’s more than love, I can feel it.

It’s more than sex, for it’s beyond the physical.

Our relationship has taken on a spiritual realm.

He takes care of my mental, my physical and my spiritual needs.

I respect this man and I trust him, completely.

I would submit myself, entirely and revolve totally around him.

I know its him…he’s The One. I can feel it.

He nurtures my soul…he completes me.

He’s a gentle giant, capable of greatness in God’s eyes.

As soon as he wants me and he needs me…I will be there.

Because,  it’s more than love…with him.

by Joan Farley Nyobe

He Said I May Be The One For Him (Part One)

It was late one evening towards the end of November. The night was cold and Winter was
making itself known. The news predicted a wind chill factor of -10 celcius. I was driving to
a study session planned with a friend from class. And at 7:30pm, we were meeting at Walter
Reed Hospital in Washington, DC. Caren, a bright, 21 year old female, was the only person 
I felt comfortable with in the short period we had known one another. Our friendship had
taken off from the onset. She too, wanted to become an attorney and had all the intellectual 
qualities to be a good attorney. However, she was diagnosed with Manic Depressive Illness.
And because she always have these episodic moments, the American Bar Association may never 
admit her. But I enjoyed her company anyway.

As I drove into the circle of Walter Reed's NCO club, my eyes became engorged beyond my
wildest expectations. I was instantly captivated by a military speciman possessing superior
masculine qualities from the exterior. He was 6'4" tall, with dark features and light
complexioned black male. And to complete this perfect picture, he was standing in front of
his Porsche 911 Targa. Call me a material girl but his car had a whale tail and I went
crazy. I was driving my Porsche 944 and felt ot was in the stars. I belonged with this guy and I
had to have him. I was so caught up in the moment, I forgot what Caren looked like. I had to
wait for her to recognize me instead. While waiting for that to happen, I wanted to get this
man's attention. I had a killer body and thought I would try my hand. It was night time, so
I left the headlights on and got out of the car, with no coat on, in 32 degree, freezing
temps, walked around the car, only to find out that it didn't work. He didn't look over. I
had not gained his attention. It was too cold, so I hurried and got back in the car, where
the heat was blasting. I looked over at him only to see him drive away and pass right by me.
He neither blew his horn or gave any acknowledgement like other Porsche owners do. And, I
distinctly smelled an aroma of pure arrogance in the air that followed as he drove by.
Moments later, I drove off too. Obviously, Caren didn't recognize me either. While driving
home, I felt vulnerable and I ached all inside for a man I could call my own. I was weary
from dead end relationships. My last boyfriend was a Vietnam Veteran who didn't have a clue
that the war was over. Everyone was looked at like a Vietnamese "Gook." He always had his
guard up and did not want a commitment. We spent 2 and a half years together and it was
definitely a dead end. The smartest move I ever made was leaving that guy alone. Anyway, I
had to find out who this mystery military man was. And, I hoped like hell he didn't belong
to anyone else. There was now a new guy in my life. without a proper introduction.
When Caren and I saw each other again, we chewed each other out for not recognizing each
other beforehand. So, after class, I bluntly asked who was the military guy that has me so
captivated. "Who is he?", I pondered quietly. My entire being needs to know him. I was so
infatuated and I absolutely had to know him. So, I asked, "Caren, I saw this guy and I know
you gotta know whi he is." She said, "Who girl?" I then blurted the details, tall, light
skinned, high top fade, and everything else I want in a man. She said, "You gotta be talking
about Kenneth. I said, "Whatever, who is he and how do I get to meet him?" I don't know
girl. He came in from Germany and I don't know that much about him but I do see him around
the base. I said, "Cool", and let my wheels of thought churn away. In my mind, I was going
to know this man.
When I saw caren again, I gave her a seductive photo of me and on the back it read, "If your
interested, give me a call." I gave her instructions to give it to kenneth as soon as she
saw him. She called the next night and said, "I gave him the picture. he didn't say
anything. But he did get the picture." I said OK and felt a little disappointed. I thought
he would've jumped at the chance. I'm not saying I was all of that but I looked good enough
for him. Oh well, as I gave up on him quickly, thinking he did not want me like I wanted
him. Well, two days went by and on the second night, the phone rings and a male voice says,
"Hello, uh, I have this picture..." And away we went. We me. He came to my home in complete
Army uniform. I thought to myself, "What a fine specimen of male proprietary origin. This
dude was fine."

He was in college too so we were intellectual with each other, listened to jazz and drank
Lowenbrau beer. It was a wonderful first meeting. I walked him to the door when our first
meeting was over and he kissed me at the door. His tongue envaded my mouth and his lips were
so sweet. I closed the door behind him and watched as he pulled off. "Was I dreaming?" I
didn't care. I was elated and immediately called my girl. "Caren, you'll mever guess who
just left?" "I can't guess girl. Who?" I said, "Kenneth." And we both laughed as I went over
every detail with her. I told her, "He's mine." I fell asleep knowing that he and I would
see each other again really soon.
The next time he came over, he was wearing shorts and it was 20 degrees outside. Didn't
matter to me. He was fine as hell. We went down stairs, listened to jazz and made our way to
my bedroom. And as he laid his body on top of mine, I softly asked, "Will you repect me in
the morning?" We laughed and he said, "You're crazy." And we fell in to a deep sensual
elongated kiss and I whispered, "Don't hurt me, as I melted in his arms. We made beautiful
love that transcended all others. He was so gentle and caring, warm and affectionate. I
wanted this man to be so much more than a casual inference. I wanted him to be my husband.
We continued to see each other, going to clubs, eating out and doing things that couples do.
He would call me and we'd talk for hours. He would read me scriptures or poetry. He would
say things like, "You could be the one for me." I was over the moon with glee. Then all of a
sudden, I missed a period. Started having morning sickness and didn't know how to tell
Kenneth. I was in love with him but didn't tell him that either.
I think I was afraid of his stature. He was 6'4" tall and I was 5'2" tall at the time. With
his military training, he was somewaht authoritative in a laid back atmosphere. Like, he had
strong views about things. He had already been married once before and OK. Chickens clucking
in the background. I was just plain scared to tell him. So, the last night we were together,
I got up to leave in the middle of the night, instead of waiting for day break. He looked up
when I got up and said, "You leaving?" I said, "As quiet as its kept." I knew then that I
wouldn't see him again. And he wouldn't know about the baby. That way, he can leave me
before knowing about the baby, to turn around and leave us.
I had battle scars to prove that theory. My first child's father left me while I was
pregnant and wound up marrying that person and never formally broke up with me. One day he
was my man and the next day, poof, he was gone. So I took the least painful route. This guy
was so handsome and well spoken, I figured he would leave me anyway. I just beat him to the
punch. So, I didn't call him anymore and he did not call me either. I settled into handling
my pregnancy alone. I told friends that Kenneth was fighting in the war overseas. I think
Star Wars was going on at the time. I asked Caren if she seen kenneth but she said she had
not seen him in a while. Then, I got worried that he had indeed left the area. I even
enlisted the help of The Army Locator to assist in finding my man, because I may need him.
My pregnancy was going along fine. I had some type of pregnancy related sickness everyday
but it didn't stop my flow. I continued to go to school until I couldn't go anymore. Towards
the end of the pregnancy, I had a glitch that tried to wreak havoc on my unborn child. I
went to a wake with a friend who's boyfriend's mother died. At the wake, she and he
boyfriend got in a fight. As we were walking back to her car, I just wanted to get me and my
daughter back home safely. She got in the car and unlocked the door for me and my daughter.
Before we could get in the car, her man jumped in my place, closed the door and started
beating up my friend. He snatched her purse and took money out of it and then jumped out of
the car. Me and my daughter got in and as we were leaving, her man rammed the back of her
car with his car. We screamed and just wanted out of this. By the time I got home, I was
spotting and thought my baby was harmed. Docs checked me out and said everything was OK and
for me to just rest.
While resting, the Army locater letter came and I found out that Kenneth had never left the
area. He was right here in town and just didn't bother to call and check on me. I felt we
were really over then. But knew he needed to know about his baby. Too scared to call him, I
let Caren tell him the news. I still didn't hear from him. My baby was gone but I had a
piece of him that would be with me forever. The baby was born with the umbilical cord
wrapped around his little neck but he was healthy. The doctor gently un loosened the cord
from his neck and spanked his bottom. He let out a loud cry. He was cleaned off and placed
in my arms. A beautiful baby boy, I named, Joshua.
Two months into new motherhood, Joshua's father comes to the door. He had a friend with him
and I guess that friend would co sign whether or not the child was Kenneth's. I went to get
the baby and brought him out and placed him in Kenneth's arms. His friend said, "You can't
deny it man." But that was not enough for Kenneth. He wanted a paternity test. We did that
too and the test came back 99.9% his. He is Joshua's father. Kenneth kicked in as dad,
immediately. He provided money, diapers and milk. But, he found it increasingly difficult to
live here in this area. The Washington Metropolitan Area was too expensive for him. He
decided to leave and return to Florida, his home towm. Right before he left, so I thought, I
slid a letter under his door, professing my love for him. I don't think he got it though. If
he did get it, it didn't make a difference because he left.
All through the years that followed, Kenneth stayed in touch. He always wanted to know what
his son was doing and how I was. , and asked me to marry him and I said yes. But the military idea 
didn't pan out and his life went into another direction.He even thought about going back in the 
military at one pointI resigned myself to the fact that I would never have him as my own and
old him, "I'm pregnant." He said, "Wow, congratulations." I said thank you. I went from relationship 
to relationship and never found a man that compared to Kenneth. I was in relationships but something
was always missing. Not enough affection, not enough intellect and not enough money. I craved a man 
with a backbone. A man I could count on. Someone I would not be afraid to leave him for. I wanted to 
feel safe, like I did when I was with Kenneth.
Twenty two years later, Kenneth and I are talking on the phone like we normally do and out
the blue, he wants me to search flights coming from Florida to Reagan National Airport here
in DC. I found the cheapest flight and he gave me his credit card information and I
completed the purchase. He then gave me specific instructions. He said, "Come to the airport
alone and wear s dress." He then asked, "Are we going to kiss at the airport?" I said yes.
He then asked, "Are you going to give me some loving when I come?" I said, "Of Course." I
can never say no to him because I feel like he has complete control of me and I feel safe
with him so, yes, I will make love with hin. He said, "How will that happen if I am staying
there with you guys?" We are going to a hotel, straight off the plane. Then, he'll come home
with me and stay a week. He said, "OK. Now, when I go back to Florida, I expect you to come
down to see me." I said OK and will make the arrangements while he is here and pay for my
trip. He said, "Pay you way down here and I'll pay your flight back." Sounds like a plan to
me. I've never been to Florida. You see, he and I never had closure. Our story is open ended.
then he comes here, I will take care of him properly because he is my King. And I still want 
him to be my husband. Stay tuned for part two because this story is true and ongoing.
by Joan Farley Nyobe

One of Life’s Many Challenges

I conducted a mystery shop at a bank in Arlington, Virginia. Took about 30 minutes to get there with traffic. Traffic was actually pretty good. That is until I got to Columbia Pike. There was a little construction going on and cars had to merge to the right. A cab driver put his right signal on and indicated that he wanted to get in front of me. Not! Cab drivers are notorious in jumping in front of cars, then coming to a complete stop to pick up a passenger. They wreak havoc for cars on the road and I wasn’t having any of that. So I inched forward so he couldn’t get it. The next two cars behind me did the same thing. Will that teach the cabbie a lesson? I doubt it, but it felt good blocking him. So, I made it to the bank and conducted the shop. The representative I spoke with was very polite and professional. When it was time to leave, I noticed a little old lady standing in the lobby. She was asking people for a ride. When she saw me as I was leaving, she said, “Are you going down Columbia Pike and could you give me a ride, just two miles down the street in Pentagon City?” To myself, I said, “What’s the harm?” The lady was 4’9″ tall, petite, with a hump in her back. She was a white woman with her silver hair neatly tucked in a bun. What could she do to me? So, I said OK and proceeded to take her down the street. We went outside the bank and it had started to rain again. I pointed to my car at the parking meter but she didn’t want to get wet. OK. ,
She said she was going to ask someone in the bank if they had an umbrella and suggested I pull my car around. I said OK. The rain was really coming down and I remembered I had to phtogragh the exterior of the bank. So I quickly took pictures of the bank and ran back to the car. I started it and pulled into the lot and made my way to the front eentrance. She came out and opened the door. I asked her, “Are you able to open and close the door?” It was an innocent question. She looked frail and weak. She looked at me and retorted, “Are you able to open and close the door?” I said yes and she said, “Well, so am I.” She took offense to my question and I apologized. She said she have feelings too. I felt bad for asking.

So, we make it out of the lot and at the traffic light, the rain really started to come down. She said, “You have to put your wiper blades on and you need to have it on high because the rain can completely cover the windshield and you won’t be able to see.” I put the the blades on high. Then she said, “And what’s this fan blowing, it’s too hot. It’s irritating. I need air.” I turned the heat off and opened a window for her. She started messing with the window switch and I put the window lock on. I opened her window and she started playing with the button saying, “I’m trying to roll the window up.” I rolled it up for her and she said, “Thank you.” She even said, “I should have got in the back seat.” It was clear that she was irritated.

Then, she said, “My name is Karen.” I said, “My name is Joan.” But that didn’t change the strange vibe I felt with this woman. A little ways up the street, and she says, “You may want to get in your right lane, there contruction up ahead. I can see if from my side.” The implication here was that I should have seen the construction ahead but there was an SUV ahead of me. That’s why I couldn’t see like she did. But I kept quiet. Then she told me to make a right and there would be another right but there is no sign. So I made the right and at the second right, as she said, there was no sign. Soon we were at her stop. She asked that I give her a minute to get out. I waited patiently, she got out and said, “Thank you.” I told her to enjoy her weekend. She said OK and that ride was finished. I was able to breathe easy because for the last 20 minutes, this person I didn’t know, had complete control over the ride.   And, I had regressed completely to that of a small child and allowed this stranger to dominate the ride.

 

Written by Joan Nyobe